Man Responsible For Olympic Ring Mishap Found Dead In Sochi
PHOTO: Olympic Ring Fireworks Mishap
The man responsible for operating the Olympic Rings during last night’s Winter Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Russia was found dead today.
According to local reports the body of T. Borris Avdeyev was found his hotel room early this morning with multiple stab wounds along with adult rubber novelty toys (dildos) found stuffed into his orifices.
Avdeyev was a technical specialist responsible for the Olympic Ring spectacle, which embarrassingly malfunctioned last night. Five animatronic snowflakes were supposed to transform into Olympic Rings. The first four functioned properly but the fifth snowflake failed to change shape.
Although his body was badly mangled and the wounds were consistent with a struggle, so far officials say they don't suspect foul play.
“Sure there were stab wounds and bruises all over the body,” admits the lead investigator on the case, “But who knows what caused them. Maybe he tripped and fell on a set of knives. Right now we’re ruling this an accidental death.
“It’s terrible when accidents like this happen. But then again, maybe Mr. Avdeyev should have thought twice before he screwed up the Olympics. Accidents tend to happen to people who betray Russia.”
Despite the government’s story, fellow hotel guests reported hearing a struggle in Avdeyev’s room around 3am local time.
“There was a very loud noise last night,” Canadian bobsled member Guy Lafleur, who was staying two hotel rooms down, “I called the front desk but the phone didn't work so I went to the room where the sound was coming from and saw three big men leave the room.
I asked if there was a problem and they told me to go back to my room. Then this morning I find out the guy inside was dead. Very scary I told the police what I saw but they told me to forget what I saw. They were very intimidating.”
Putin, The Man You Can Trust
It was reported that Vladimir Putin was visibly upset with the botched ending of the ceremony and he may have been out for blood. He stormed out of the stadium and took off in a helicopter before the media could ask him any questions.
The embarrassment of his nation could have been too much for him to handle.
“Putin loves Russia to death,” said Alexander Zhukov, the Russian Olympic Committee President. “He also loves accountability.”
While there has not been accountability from the contractors responsible for building the Olympic Village, the Ceremony was a world wide event for everyone to see. Putin may hold that to a higher level.
“If he feels the Ceremony reflects him, who knows what he’ll do to seek justice,” said Zhukov before part of a hotel ceiling crashed to the floor beside him. “All I know is Borris Avdeyev failed Russia and got what he deserved.” More of the hotel began to crumble and the interview had to be cut short.